No-Harmony

There is a web-site called E-Harmony which promises to find a mate for you who matches you on your deepest levels. I think there are twelve of them... I can't really remember what the ad says. I think I only have four deep levels which is why I found my mate the old fashioned way (Flirt with the cute guy from work). Anyway, I think the web-site doesn't really understand the nature of marriage. Why bother matching someone on their deepest levels? What married couple fights about issues pertaining to deep levels? Hubby and I fight about the cost of dry cleaning, the amount of cold beer in the fridge, and the noise he makes eating hot wings in bed. Therefore, I propose the following questions to those who maybe considering commitment. Please note: correct answers will be OPPOSITE that of your would be partner.

The thermostat should be set
(a) above 72
(b) above freezing, just put on another sweater

The air conditioning should be
(a) on full blast from April through October
(b) only turned on when the furniture begins to melt

True or False

I enjoy sleeping with a fan blowing directly on my face
I enjoy asking gas station attendents for directions
When eating in bed, the sheets make a great napkin
Beef jerky is a healthy snack

A Dutch Oven is
(a) a large pot used in cooking
(b) a stove in Holland
(c) a great trick to play on your wife

I prefer
(a) canned vegetables
(b) frozen vegetables
(c) potato chips

I prefer
(a) white meat
(b) dark meat


If we have an appointment, we will leave the house
(a) when I am dressed and groomed
(b) whenever necessary for us to arrive 20 minutes early

When parking the car in a busy parking lot, I will
(a) park in a remote spot and enjoy the walk
(b) drive arround for as long as it takes for the spot by the door to open up

During the big game a wife should be
(a) at the mall
(b) fetching cold beer

I like to wake up
(a) early to exercise and get a jump start on the day
(b) in time for game time

I do the dishes
(a) after every meal
(b) when I can't find a fork